All Of This

I feel unclean.
I feel rotten.
I feel unworthy.
And I do not forgive myself.

I see shame.
I see pity.
I see self-loathing.
And I don't wish to look any longer.

I hear sobs.
I hear screams.
I hear footsteps.
And the footsteps are not in my favor.

I inflict pain.
I inflict exhaustion.
I inflict scars.
And the inflictions are not voluntary.

You have all of this.

And you feel love.
And you see strength.
And you hear laughter.
And you inflict happiness.

If you could be proud of all of this
     The rot
     The shame
     The screams
     The scars

If you could be proud of
     all of this.
If you could believe others are jealous of
     all of this.
If you could care for
     all of this.
If you could love
     all of this


If you could be proud of all of this

Then maybe
     all of this

Isn't so bad.

-Beaskie