I want to stay here forever, so badly. I want to change my name and never speak if any of this again. I want to go to dance classes everyday of my life and live and breathe dance, music, art. I miss my friends and family dearly, but they know too much. It's old and sad and gray.
Flyer.
He misses me. I know he misses me. And I think I'm supposed to miss him too. I do. Ill probably miss him more once I see him. Sometimes I want him to just eat me up. Just eat me up so I could live inside of him. Just sit there on his brain or build a hammock in his lungs or lie down on his tongue. Watch the world go by through his eye sockets and feel the vibration as he speaks.
But would that infect him from the inside? Would my poison seep through my skin and into his? Or would he cleanse me, fix me, heal me?
Is that what love feels like?
One of my best friends hates me. Well, no, she loves me. But she should hate me. I have yet to confront her in this blog because she is such a huge topic, such a large part of my life. How can I put that in words? I miss her too. I think. I hope she is being taken care of.
This world is so funny. Things don't matter until they happen to you. Then suddenly it matters a great deal. Abusive relationships don't matter to people who aren't in them. Depression doesn't matter to people who don't have it. But once you're in it, once you get it, it matters to you for the rest of your life. And you think it's the most Important thing in the world. But there are so many other important things in the world that will never matter to you, while they matter to other people.
I think that's why the world is a circle.
-Beaskie
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