Can't and Won't

I can't be who I was at home.
I can't be the girl who is president of dance, or captain of varsity song.
I can't be the history teacher's daughter.
I can't be the girl with straight A's.
I can't be the one always laughing.
I can't be the girl with her own sense of style.
I can't be the girl who comes to class on time every day.
I can't be the girl who has a hundred friends.
I can't be the one who teaches others how to flirt, or tells them what to wear on dates, or does their make-up.
I can't be the girl who is always there for her friends.
I can't be the girl who gets interviewed for the school newspaper.
I can't be the girl who delivers everyone hand-written Valentines.
I can't be the girl who I used to be.
I can't be the girl who I used to be.
I won't be the girl who I used to be.
She doesn't exist anymore, I'm someone new.
I'm someone new. I'm someone different.
I'm someone with so much hurt, so much pain, so much heaviness. I'm someone who can't lose the hurt, the pain, the heaviness, without losing her entire self and becoming someone new.
I'm someone new. I'm someone different.
I need a new life. I need it to live.
I need a new life to live. To live, I need a new life.

How am I supposed to return home if I am no longer who I was before I left?
People don't understand, people will ask questions, people will want who I am supposed to be.
You can't start at the beginning in a place where you're already in the middle.

I can't be the girl who I used to be.
I can't be who I was at home.
I won't be.

-Beaskie