Evil Universe

I just started unpacking from my trip to New York.
Two weeks after I got home.

I think I was holding on to the tiniest, slimmest glimmer of hope that I could maybe go back.
Maybe live there.
Maybe never come back.

--

I introduced Flyer to my grandma today.

I still haven't talked about her on here yet... It's so painful. I needed her, and she's not here. I needed her more than anybody else in the world.

I could've lost anybody else in the world except for her.

Maybe that's why I am scared to tell him I love him. That means accepting that I need him. I can't need somebody. That never turns out well.
I go through phases of not talking to him. I think it's because I want to get used to not having him, so when the evil universe decides to take him away from me I'll be okay.
And I will be.

But I'd be a whole lot better if he stayed.

-Beaskie