Permanence

You make me melt. It's euphoric, as you say. I agree.
You never know how much you miss a person until they come back. I missed you immensely.
You said, "I feel one with you."
I feel one with you, too.
You said, "I will take care of you."
I will take care of you, too.
You said, "I want to be your rock."
You are my rock. You are my rock and so much more.
I will be your rock, too.
I say this over and over--because it's just so true-- it always feels like the first and last time with you.
Every kiss feels as exciting as the very first time we ever kissed did.
On the bench, under the stars, two years ago.
Every kiss feels as passionate as the last kiss we will ever have.
Exciting. Passionate.
Every touch sends chills throughout my entire being.
The good kind of chills, that is.
We bring out the oddest quirks in each other.
We bring out the deepest darkness in each other.
Whenever something is funny, I always look for you, to see if you think it's funny too.
Even if you're not there. I always look for you.
And whenever something is sad, I always look for you, to see if you are looking for me, to try to take the sadness away.

You always are.

There seems to always be a "but" in every relationship.
Something that reminds you that no one is perfect. That you probably won't last much longer. That you're only in high school, or college, or whatever. That nothing is every as happy as it seems.
I had been searching for that "but" for a very long time now.
I used to think it was just something I hadn't found yet.
But now I think it doesn't exist.
I was searching for the "but" because the absence of it was terrifying. It meant possible permanence.
Permanence used to be terrifying. Because in my world, the promise of permanence always seemed to be broken.
But because there is no "but", permanence seems like an actual possibility, not just a promise.
Permanence is good.
Permanence is what people look for. What they deserve. What is rare, and, when found, cherished.
I was looking for the "but".
I was doing things backwards.
I didn't realize that you have to look for the permanence, not the "but".
And once I realized that,
I also realized

I had already found it.


-Beaskie