What Needed To Be Said

I wish I hadn't gone up to nd after it happened.
I wish I hadn't kissed you.
I wish I hadn't lied next to you.
I wish none of it had happened.
I wish I had been mean. And cold. And refused to see you or talk to you.
I wish I had slapped you.
I wish I had yelled at you more and punched her.
I wish I had given you the idea that no, it's not okay.
I wish I had given you that idea in the first place...
I wish I had been enough to get it through your thick skull that cheating is actually not okay.
I wish I had been enough to get you to stop watching and to start living in the real world.
I wish I would stop blaming myself so much...

I wish I hadn't trusted you so much the first time.
I wish I didn't ever give you "permission".
I wish I had been more selfish and less in love.
I wish you had been smarter than that.
I wish you hadn't taken advantage of me, repeatedly.

Sometimes... I wish I had just ended it then and there.

-Beaskie