Sleep

I've been having these dreams...about the boy.

You know that saying, after you break up with someone but you still "see their face everywhere you turn"?

Yeah, okay, well these dreams have been taking that to a whole other level.

It's a different setting every time. But basically I'm walking around in a sea of people, and one by one someone will turn and make eye contact with me, and then their face just morphs into his.
And then I start running and screaming.
And I run to my parents, but their faces turn into his as well.
And I run to my siblings, and their faces change, too.
And I run to my friends, but their faces have also turned.

And I run to you. And I get so close, but not quite close enough. And just as your face is about to turn, I wake up.

A few nights ago I had that dream, but more extreme. Not only did their faces turn, but their whole bodies changed into his. They actually became him. And there were hundreds of them. Of him. Surrounding me. Each one was a different nightmare in it of itself. One would be the countless fights. One would be his physical aggression. One would be the cuts. One would be the screams. One would be the rape. One would be the unspeakable.
It's just like it was while I was with him. Everywhere I turned, a new nightmare appeared. There was no way out.

And then suddenly I was in a hotel room. By myself. Hiding.

I realize now that I had a gun in my hand. I realize now I was in a hotel room by myself because I was going to kill myself.

I think.

But then the army of the boy came. And I awoke again.

And sleep becomes something I dread, for the dreams are all too real.

-Beaskie