Lost

Already I feel the pain. The pressure of the knife digging into my heart. I knew it would hurt. There's no way I could've prepared myself for this amount of pain, though. 

Already I feel the guilt. I never want to hurt you. That's not why I did this. I have never and will never do anything to hurt you. 

Already I feel despair. What you said makes me ache so much. Do you really feel like you wasted two years? These past two years have been the best two years of my life. I will cherish them dearly, forever. 

Already I feel confused. I love you so much. I want to marry you flyer. Nothing will ever change the fact that I want to be yours forever. Nothing. 

Already I feel hopeless. I still have so many wishes for us as a pair. I still have so many dreams. Don't give up on our dreams flyer. Please. 

Already I feel disappointed. This is not how I wanted things to go. This is not what I wished for. This is the opposite. 

Already I feel empty. You fill me with so much joy and excitement. The memory of your touch, your kiss, your magnificent smile fills me up with happiness. The memory of our last conversation challenges that happiness. 

Already I feel depressed. It will take everything I've got in me to not cut, or worse...

Already I feel lost. Where will this new turn in my road lead me? Where am I now, without you? I have no wishes to move forward. I have no wishes to move at all. Not without you. 

If feel lost. I feel the pain. I feel the guilt. I feel despair, confused, hopeless, disappointed, empty, and depressed. 

Already if feel all these emotions. But they will never conflict with the immense love I have felt for you for so long. A love that will never, ever, fade. A love that lasts to the moon and back a hundred million thousand times. 

A love that, I hope, you haven't already lost. 

-Beaskie