Sad

I'm terrified. 

I just have these visions...all night long. 

They're more like visions than dreams. Dreams are things in your subconscious you didn't know existed. Visions are what you know exists, what you see happening. 

So I have these visions. Of you. Without me. 

You're the strongest person I know. You'd be strong without me. That's why I'm terrified. I have visions of you slowly forgetting all our love and starting to get comfortable on your own. I have these visions as if they are happening today, as I type. As I cry. As I sit on the couch and watch the ceiling fan go in circles. As I do my favorite thing-dark room. 

I want to tell you how sad I am. I want to tell you how miserable I am. 

Today was the dress up day. Marti gras. I had found a cute couples costume on amazon and ordered it about a month ago. I was gonna surprise you with it today. 

I want you here more than anything in the world. 

How are you? I'm dying to know. I need to know. I want to know every detail of your day. What you had for lunch, if you did errands for your boss, if you're watching oth, if you laugh. 

I love your laugh. 

Don't stop laughing. 

How the hell am I going to get through this...

-Beaskie