This week has been quite overwhelming...
I'm so engulfed by my love for you, and my dependency on you. When I see you I just want you to hold me and never let go, no matter what happens. When I'm not with you, and you're here, I feel incomplete.
That scares me.
I really do depend on you... More than I should. More than is healthy. When you're not here, I'm totally fine and I can make myself happy just being me. But when you're here it's like my life depends on you. Maybe that's because we don't see each other often... Maybe that's because that is how I am trained to act with a boyfriend. Maybe that's because my life actually does depend on you... It certainly used to.
When we were intimate, I was scared. Just like the first time. But this time I was scared for different reasons. This time I was scared because you did that with her, not because I thought you'd do to me what the boy did. This time I was scared because I felt used. This time I was scared because I felt slutty again, but for different reasons.
It was also wonderful, and it made me trust you more and taught me that you care about me again. It reminded me of how gentle you are with me and how cautious and thoughtful you can be. It brought back great memories. It helped me to fall in love with you more.
I really want to know more about what you think... I know your mind is more complicated than what you let on. At least I hope it is...
And I know I jokingly tell you to "be mature" all the time, but keep in mind that I am saying that for a reason...
I'm still terrified to love you. The good news is, that means I love you.
-Beaskie
I'm so engulfed by my love for you, and my dependency on you. When I see you I just want you to hold me and never let go, no matter what happens. When I'm not with you, and you're here, I feel incomplete.
That scares me.
I really do depend on you... More than I should. More than is healthy. When you're not here, I'm totally fine and I can make myself happy just being me. But when you're here it's like my life depends on you. Maybe that's because we don't see each other often... Maybe that's because that is how I am trained to act with a boyfriend. Maybe that's because my life actually does depend on you... It certainly used to.
When we were intimate, I was scared. Just like the first time. But this time I was scared for different reasons. This time I was scared because you did that with her, not because I thought you'd do to me what the boy did. This time I was scared because I felt used. This time I was scared because I felt slutty again, but for different reasons.
It was also wonderful, and it made me trust you more and taught me that you care about me again. It reminded me of how gentle you are with me and how cautious and thoughtful you can be. It brought back great memories. It helped me to fall in love with you more.
I really want to know more about what you think... I know your mind is more complicated than what you let on. At least I hope it is...
And I know I jokingly tell you to "be mature" all the time, but keep in mind that I am saying that for a reason...
I'm still terrified to love you. The good news is, that means I love you.
-Beaskie
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