NYE

I can't explain it, but I hate this night. 

I love the idea of moving on and starting a new year, but these nights have been so terrible for me. 

Two years ago the boy and I kissed for the first time, at midnight. 

Last year I tried to kill myself for the first time, at midnight. 

And this year, even though I'm with you, I can't bring myself to be happy. I don't like big parties like this, I feel overwhelmed and in danger somehow. And today is just a bad day, because of the past.

I hope you have fun tonight, I truly do! I just don't know if I will be able to...

I hope you understand. 

-Beaskie