She's Back

I'm not quite sure what to do with myself.

I told you last night. I'm the girl again. And you said I wasn't and it was just a phase and I would be ok because I got through it before but it isn't true.
I act like her. I talk like her. I feel like her. I am her. I am the girl again.

And before, when I was the girl, you would come and she would leave. You made her leave and you saved me.
But now you can't come and she won't leave. Now I don't know how to make her leave and I don't know how to save myself.

So now you're in love with the dead girl again.

I can't ask you to understand. I can't ask you to deal with it. I can't make you put up with this again.
It was hard enough last time. It'll be even harder now. Are you sure you want that?
You might think you want it now, but we have 67 more days of this. Do you really want to deal with 67 days of dead girl 1,601.3 miles away?

No. I can't ask this of you. And I'd get it, if you changed your mind. I would. Really. I wouldn't want to deal with 67 days of dead girl.

I can't promise I'll be nice. I can't promise I'll be good. I can't promise anything except more pain because I know it's coming.

How can I put you through that? You are out there, living your life, being happy. And I am here, calling with tears and doubt and fear, being depressing because I am depressed and making your happy life not so happy anymore.
People aren't supposed to do that to each other--make them less happy. I'm supposed to make you more happy. And I did, when I was happy. I think I did make you more happy. But now I'm not happy and I'm making you less happy and that's not okay.

You're in love with a dead girl again. What can I say? I didn't ask for this. And neither did you. I can't ask you to want this. I can't ask you to love this.

I just hope you still do.

-Beaskie